BIG DICK, THE THESPIAN

It's the club's worst-kept secret that Over 60s super-striker Richard Delahaye is a thespian when he's not terrorising opposition defenders on the pitch.

In his his latest role treading the boards he plays a detective in an Agatha Christie-style thriller, dressed in a buttoned-up mackintosh and trilby hat and puffing on a briar pipe.

Richard - known as Big Dick - assures us that the outfit is unlikely to become the latest club strip.